“How do you know when it’s time to leap? When the pain of staying put exceeds the fear of the unknown.” Lissa Rankin

My life has changed completely. It’s not that I was consciously seeking to do that. A Divine Storm came through and wiped out everything I had been basing my external expression on.

The culmination came in July. I will talk about specifics later in other blog posts or teleconferences. It’s incredibly personal. But I can say right now that it involved my heart on many levels.
The event that set off the storm was my romantic relationship with a man I had met in March,only three months earlier. Through a series of unfortunate communication misfires, I made a huge mistake. He left. I dissolved. It was the catalyst for a major breakdown, and break through. But that’s not all, as they say on TV! Right after a very successful San Diego Comicon, everything I had been doing to support myself and my son, just went away. The betrayal was phenomenal.

Martha Beck talks about the four phases of psychological metamorphosis she calls The Change Cycle. I find her books and teachings incredibly insightful, savvy and hilarious. I have certainly found The Change Cycle to be true in describing what I have been going through. Square one is Death and Rebirth or Dissolving. That’s where I have been since July. Mostly in a fetal position. I had lost my identity. Everything I thought I knew turned upside down. Martha talks about how when a caterpillar goes into the cocoon for it’s change, it has a stage of formlessness. It’s not even just a maggot, it is a soup of cells. Liquid. I have been people soup.
Slowly, much too slowly for my comfort, I have been reforming. I am moving into Square Two: Imagining, Dreaming and Scheming. I’m trying to imagine where I can go from here. Where do I want to go? Who? I am traversing the space between frustration and inspiration over and over again.
I know now that everything that has happened has been a blessing. I am growing into something new and it will be so much more amazing that what was before. My heart is transforming too. The relationship with the remarkable man I met in March is back on and better than I have ever imagined a romantic partnership could be for me. I am starting to see what I want to do. It involves being of service, using my gifts, being a force for good and experiencing joy. That’s the short list.
More on that soon!
Right now, tis the season! It’s time for Be A Santa and the joy that will bring to the kids of Penny Lane. I started this program in 1996, and all my internet friends have been making it happen ever since. Can you help? I need donations of gifts and money, and we need to do it now! I love this part; the frenzy of putting it all together. We’ve raised about $4000. I need maybe $10,000 more in goods or cash. Please see what we need on www.beasanta.org. Every $5 helps!
Thank you for hanging in there with me and I’ll be back soon with updates on Be A Santa, and my own offerings to YOU!

Have a remarkable day!

4 Responses to Leap

  1. Ron Rosenberry Chase says:

    Dear Pat,
    You have been an inspiration for me in the 2 years or better I have been following you on Facebook, you have inspired me to make changes in my life and make the jump to doing what I always felt I could. Next year, I am beginning production on an action adventure that is designed to teach kids history.. I am aiming the show at PBS, but with secondary distribution to Schoolastic and other media after broadcast markets,. Look for a program called Connections on PBS within the next year or so. I am glad things are picking up for you personally!

    • Patricia Tallman says:

      Ron that’s so awesome! I’m excited for you! Sounds like the project is needed and you are being of service too. Keep me posted! xoxoxox

  2. Steve Palmer says:

    I know the feeling of emotional trauma where you are so numb and self doubting that if some one said “the sky is chartruese with pink polka dots” you’d question why you thought it was blue.. Back in 1995 I lived my two biggest nightmarres roughly 7 weeks apart. Fortunately the Universe intervened and re-injected a friend back into my life. Each of us had our own issues, but we both eventually crawled out of personal morasses.
    The Universe intervened a few years ago when I didn’t even realize why I felt the way I did. I was just so busy dealing with life’s normal struggles I did not realize the person I was taking on the world with simply dropped way back to hangout and have fun. Fortunately some one else entered my life and reminded me what a relationship is supposed to be. We have become best friends and “personal angels”. The Universe really does seem to place some one is our lives at just the right moments!

  3. Karl Seidl says:

    I really enjoy your movies. Just finished revistiting the classic Night of the Living Dead. It must be very gratifying to be such a big part of something that endures the years and continues to entertain countless numbers of people.. Most of us can’t say that about what we do for a living. I work in veterinary pharmaceuticals. The pills we make go into one end of an animal and then travel out the other. No lasting legacy there.
    Hang in the business. It’s got to be rough.. Perhaps rougher than big pharma. But don’t quit because you have remarkable talent and let’s face it, most of us don’t. Last but certainly not least, you’re absolutely beautiful. So, we’re looking forward to seeing you on the big screen again. After all, whatever happened to Barbara? Perhaps you and Savini could tell us. =)

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