“How do you know when it’s time to leap? When the pain of staying put exceeds the fear of the unknown.” Lissa Rankin

My life has changed completely. It’s not that I was consciously seeking to do that. A Divine Storm came through and wiped out everything I had been basing my external expression on.

The culmination came in July. I will talk about specifics later in other blog posts or teleconferences. It’s incredibly personal. But I can say right now that it involved my heart on many levels.
The event that set off the storm was my romantic relationship with a man I had met in March,only three months earlier. Through a series of unfortunate communication misfires, I made a huge mistake. He left. I dissolved. It was the catalyst for a major breakdown, and break through. But that’s not all, as they say on TV! Right after a very successful San Diego Comicon, everything I had been doing to support myself and my son, just went away. The betrayal was phenomenal.

Martha Beck talks about the four phases of psychological metamorphosis she calls The Change Cycle. I find her books and teachings incredibly insightful, savvy and hilarious. I have certainly found The Change Cycle to be true in describing what I have been going through. Square one is Death and Rebirth or Dissolving. That’s where I have been since July. Mostly in a fetal position. I had lost my identity. Everything I thought I knew turned upside down. Martha talks about how when a caterpillar goes into the cocoon for it’s change, it has a stage of formlessness. It’s not even just a maggot, it is a soup of cells. Liquid. I have been people soup.
Slowly, much too slowly for my comfort, I have been reforming. I am moving into Square Two: Imagining, Dreaming and Scheming. I’m trying to imagine where I can go from here. Where do I want to go? Who? I am traversing the space between frustration and inspiration over and over again.
I know now that everything that has happened has been a blessing. I am growing into something new and it will be so much more amazing that what was before. My heart is transforming too. The relationship with the remarkable man I met in March is back on and better than I have ever imagined a romantic partnership could be for me. I am starting to see what I want to do. It involves being of service, using my gifts, being a force for good and experiencing joy. That’s the short list.
More on that soon!
Right now, tis the season! It’s time for Be A Santa and the joy that will bring to the kids of Penny Lane. I started this program in 1996, and all my internet friends have been making it happen ever since. Can you help? I need donations of gifts and money, and we need to do it now! I love this part; the frenzy of putting it all together. We’ve raised about $4000. I need maybe $10,000 more in goods or cash. Please see what we need on www.beasanta.org. Every $5 helps!
Thank you for hanging in there with me and I’ll be back soon with updates on Be A Santa, and my own offerings to YOU!

Have a remarkable day!